Life update

So, freshers fortnight is coming to a close and I thought now, as I sit waiting for my clothes to tumble dry, would be a good time to update you on my life. When we last spoke, or rather, when I last spoke and you were forced to listen, I was upset over the first few nights at uni, and now, a few weeks later I’m pleased to say I haven’t had another panic attack.

So my flat mates have only cleaned the kitchen once which was last Thursday at 1am, and by 11pm it was dirty again due to the “pre drinks” that occurr every night from half past 7 to stupid o’clock. As I mentioned previously I don’t like loud environments but I decided to meet up with a new friend and try out clubbing, now, I don’t have a problem with music, or dancing or people having fun, but I do have a problem with music that is deafening, drunk people that are rowdy and lights that are blinding. But in saying this I am glad I went, I tried a new experience.

I’m still missing my family a little, but, it has got easier. My mum has been ringing me everyday and asking the same questions over and over including “are you sure you still want to go” and “have you been to the beach today?” and it’s starting to get annoying, but I’ll try not to complain because her intentions are good.

I actually really love my room now, my own space is great and it’s starting to feel like home. The matress does still give me a numb bum (again too much information?) and the alarm does still keep going off and the shower is still very tiny, but I am feeling a lot happier about it.

My social anxiety has stopped me from talking to as many people as I would have liked but I have met a really lovely girl called Abbie who knew one of my internet friends called Jodie, so thanks to Jodie introducing us I’ve now got a friend who loves YouTube just as much as I do!

I hope this post has shown anyone who was feeling worried about uni life that it does actually get a lot easier, obviously my course hasn’t started properly yet but all in all I’m really looking forward to it!

Katherine ❤

First day of uni blues

So, yesterday I moved into uni, and I’m going to be honest with you, I’m not taking it as well as I thought I would. You see, I thought I’d love having my own space to be free, but it’s just making me feel a little stressed and panicky.

I’m quite OCD about things such as cleanliness and order and routine, but moving in with 6 strangers who all seem to get on really well, has meant my routine has changed and the people I’m living with aren’t very clean and they’re loud. You guys know how shy I get and the idea of partying with them scares me, last night one of the girls asked me if I wanted to go out with them, this was at half 9, I was already in my pajamas, and I don’t really drink. So I had to politely decline.  Woah life of the party me!

I miss my family, there’s a saying that you never realise what you have until it’s gone, and I now understand that. My mum used to clean and cook for me and now I have to do that all for myself, and I don’t even know how to.

I miss my room, the shower in my room is the size of a telephone box-literally, I cannot even move and I’m only 5ft 3. The matress isn’t very comfortable and sitting on it gives me a numb bum (is that too much information?) the window barely opens and being 9 floors up means I’m melting, there’s a nightclub opposite and my room mates play loud music and the noise keeps me awake, the curtains in my room fell down this morning as I tried to open them and there is an ear-piercing high pitched buzzing sound every 10 minutes that is extremely annoying. At home the most annoying noise would be cats fighting or the occasional tyre squeal.

As you know I have a little bit of social anxiety and being away from home and feeling isolated has been giving me panic attacks, I’ve only had one before and that was when I was walking up a small mountain and felt pressured to keep going but I was getting tired and ended up holding up dozens of people and I just felt my chest getting tight and I struggled breathing(I don’t understand why that made me panic either but there we go). This morning and last night I experienced the same thing, I struggled to breathe and I cried, a lot.

I’m not writing this to put you off living at uni. I’m sure it will get easier as time goes on, but I just want you all to know that being nervous is normal, my internet friends have been amazingly supportive they’ve helped me smile again and I want you guys to know that it is possible to smile again. I’ve only been to uni for a day but I’m sure I’ll get used to this lifestyle and if I don’t there are plenty of doors that can be opened.

Katherine ❤

Reasons why I’m a fail: awkward laugh in conversations

I’m making a series called “Reasons why I’m a fail” similar to Dan’s (danisnotonfire) “reasons why Dan’s a fail” YouTube videos and like him I thought, who better to share these reasons with than the internet?!

Today I thought I would share the awkward laugh I do when I’m talking to someone, especially someone I’m not particularly close to, such as someone at work or college. Allow me explain what I mean… They may say something like “I’m so tired” or “I’m going to eat soon I’m starving”. Instead of replying in a normal way like “yeah this is hard work” or “I’m so hungry too” I laugh.
I do an awkward laugh. I don’t know what it is that makes me feel like this (don’t start singing Jamelia), but answering someone’s remark or comment with a coherent sentence is impossible for me. I just laugh, even though 90% of the time they’re not being funny, The laugh I do is not even a normal laugh, it’s a weird chuckle thing. Then about two minutes after I’ve laughed I think of something really witty to say and spend another five minutes debating whether to share this witty remark with the other person, to which I think “no” because the moment has passed and I haven’t got the confidence to bring up the conversation again. It’s getting to the point now where I can’t be bothered to even acknowledge anyone because I know the conversation will just fizzle out into an awkward silence because of me, so I just end up looking stuck up because it looks like I’m ignoring them. This happens on a regular basis, someone will say something I’ll laugh or subtly ignore them then the room will go silent and then I will end up thinking of something witty. I might as well become a hermit crab. In fact, maybe I will.

So there we have it. The first instalment of “reasons why I’m a fail” I hope you enjoyed it!
Katherine<3