So, yesterday I moved into uni, and I’m going to be honest with you, I’m not taking it as well as I thought I would. You see, I thought I’d love having my own space to be free, but it’s just making me feel a little stressed and panicky.
I’m quite OCD about things such as cleanliness and order and routine, but moving in with 6 strangers who all seem to get on really well, has meant my routine has changed and the people I’m living with aren’t very clean and they’re loud. You guys know how shy I get and the idea of partying with them scares me, last night one of the girls asked me if I wanted to go out with them, this was at half 9, I was already in my pajamas, and I don’t really drink. So I had to politely decline. Woah life of the party me!
I miss my family, there’s a saying that you never realise what you have until it’s gone, and I now understand that. My mum used to clean and cook for me and now I have to do that all for myself, and I don’t even know how to.
I miss my room, the shower in my room is the size of a telephone box-literally, I cannot even move and I’m only 5ft 3. The matress isn’t very comfortable and sitting on it gives me a numb bum (is that too much information?) the window barely opens and being 9 floors up means I’m melting, there’s a nightclub opposite and my room mates play loud music and the noise keeps me awake, the curtains in my room fell down this morning as I tried to open them and there is an ear-piercing high pitched buzzing sound every 10 minutes that is extremely annoying. At home the most annoying noise would be cats fighting or the occasional tyre squeal.
As you know I have a little bit of social anxiety and being away from home and feeling isolated has been giving me panic attacks, I’ve only had one before and that was when I was walking up a small mountain and felt pressured to keep going but I was getting tired and ended up holding up dozens of people and I just felt my chest getting tight and I struggled breathing(I don’t understand why that made me panic either but there we go). This morning and last night I experienced the same thing, I struggled to breathe and I cried, a lot.
I’m not writing this to put you off living at uni. I’m sure it will get easier as time goes on, but I just want you all to know that being nervous is normal, my internet friends have been amazingly supportive they’ve helped me smile again and I want you guys to know that it is possible to smile again. I’ve only been to uni for a day but I’m sure I’ll get used to this lifestyle and if I don’t there are plenty of doors that can be opened.