I love food, especially the unhealthy junk food, truth be told, I am a really fussy eater, 95% of vegetables make me feel physically sick and I’m too scared to try most new foods, so me saying that I love food is wrong. I should really say, I love junk food.

Despite this deep, deep love I have a problem with food. I can’t seem to eat it properly.

Chocolate is a nightmare because it melts, and when it melts it get’s all over my fingers and my face, it’s even ended up in my hair, down my top and on my legs in the past (I don’t know how) so in any situation where I am in public and have chocolate to eat I go through a little routine, I try and get as much chocolate in my mouth at once, I then hide my mouth with my hands, I have to do this for about 5 minutes while I’m trying to eat the chocolate and to ensure my face is not covered in the stuff, it’s a bloody nightmare.
Anything that can make crumbs will make crumbs if I eat it. I get crumbs everywhere. I end up sitting in the crumbs which then embeds the crumbs into my trousers. I end up getting crumbs down my top which is never fun and is surprisingly scratchy. I end up with crumbs in my hair and due to my hair being thick I end up losing the crumbs in my hair and I’ll find them hours later like “oh look, there’s that cake I had for lunch lovely”
Anything you need to eat with a spoon ends up falling or dripping off the spoon and onto my top, the number of times I’ve ended up with soup down my top is embarrassing…
I love pasta and spaghetti, especially in a restaurant, however I am always reluctant to order it because the sauce is quite watery which means it can get sprayed everywhere, usually across my face, the table and the people around me, I don’t want to re-live wiping sauce off my mums arm again…

No wonder why no one asks me on any dates


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