I went to the hairdressers yesterday and I realised that everytime I go, the same things happen, obviously I leave with less hair than I came in with, that’s the point of a hair cut, but I’ve realised that there’s a routine of awkwardness that is embedded in the haircut procedure:

  • Comments
    The hairdresser always makes a comment about how thick my hair is “ooh isn’t your hair thick” “wow you have a lot of hair” YES I KNOW IT’S THICK IT’S MY HAIR! What do they expect me to say “oh my god, I never realised, thank you for pointing this out for me”
  • The hair wash
    There are several things about the hair wash that bother me
    1- the water is either too hot or too cold and because you’re so British and scared of confrontation when they ask “is the water okay” you grit your teeth and say “yes it’s great” when on the inside you’re crying
    2- when they lean over you to wash your scalp you end up being able to see straight up their sleeves or down their tops, and you have no idea where to look
    3- WHERE DO YOU PUT YOUR HANDS?! Do you rest them on your lap, or on your stomach or by your sides? Do you cross your hands or hold them as if you’re praying? It’s all very complicated, far too complicated…
    4- sometimes the sink thing is at a weird angle and you end up spraining your neck but when they ask if you’re okay, you say “yes thank you”
  • The mirror
    I hate having to look at my own face for an hour, you stare at it picking out all your faults. I once pulled a face to myself and at that exact moment the hairdresser looked at me. Horrific.
  • The clips
    My hairdresser, in order to cut my hair one layer at a time, pins my hair out of the way using the pinchy clip things, this is all well and good but she puts them in the most annoying places, I end up with hair stabbing my eye, going up my nose or in my ear, or all three at once, and I can’t move my hands to remove the hair because I’ll end up ruining my hair cut so I sit there trying not to cry and not to sneeze. I end up trying to blow the hair out of the way which makes me look like I’m weird
  • The brushing and combing
    I have very knotty hair because it’s so thick and wavy, so when the hairdresser is brushing it or combing it I always feel like I should be apologising for the number of times she gets the comb stuck
  • The offering of drinks
    Why do they offer you drinks? They always offer me either tea, coffee, water and orange juice, and a number of times I ask for water, this is an error. You have to sit still for a haircut. Which means if you put the glass or mug on the shelf, you can’t actually access it because you can’t move forward to drink it, which would annoy the hairdresser, then there’s the option of holding the mug or glass in your lap, but that can risk hair falling in your drink and ruining it. You can’t win
  • The hairdryer
    The hairdryer is a massive problem for me, because the air is always so hot that it feels like it’s burning your scalp, and it’s even worse when they are blow drying the hair around your ears, not only does that burn but it also makes you go deaf, it’s a nightmare.

Oh look, I’ve written yet another list, lucky you (I’m so sorry)

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