Reasons Why I’m a Fail: The tales of a clumsy person

I’ve heard a lot of people say they’re clumsy, but these people are never as clumsy as they make out, they’re frauds. There are people in the world, like me, who are stuck with being clumsy. We have no choice but to be clumsy. We fall over nothing and everything.

In my life I’ve done so many clumsy things it’s concerning, I’ve actually been to the doctors and have now got insoles to try and correct my walking, not that it’s made much difference, I still struggle to walk in straight lines. My clumsiness varies, I’ve stepped down the tiniest step and landed face first on a gravel path, I’ve fallen up stairs, I’ve accidentally punched myself in the face (don’t even know how I managed this), I’ve fallen off chairs, I’ve fallen over trying to sit on chairs, I’ve tripped up curbs, I’ve tripped down curbs, I’ve tripped over twigs, I’ve even got trapped in my own coat (don’t ask it was very embarrassing, my teacher laughed at me for ages).

This is just the tip of the iceburg, these aren’t one off events, they happen on a daily basis. If there’s a day where I haven’t fallen over/tripped over/dropped something then I am genuinely shocked. So if you’re one of the few who don’t experience this sort of thing, consider youself lucky, and if you do experience this sort of thing, then we are united in horrific embarrassment and shall be there to offer support for each other when we next fall over/trip over/drop something.


18 or 81?

Well hello there, welcome to the beginning of a new week! Todays post is something I’ve noticed about myself. So, I am 18 years old, don’t worry, I haven’t just noticed that, but I have noticed I have the mentality of an 81 year old.

A lot of 18 year olds spend their time out clubbing, or in bars, or on various bits of technology. Whereas I find myself saying,
“ooh I want to go for a walk along the beach, I bet the view’s lovely at this time of day” how many 18 year olds ever find themselves wanting to go for a walk mainly for the view? How many ever want to go for a walk?! (to be fair the walk and the view of the coast at 5pm was lovely). Talking of walking I own a pair of shoes specifically for walking, I don’t buy shoes for the sake of whether they look nice with this dress for this club. My criteria for buying shoes is “do they look nice-ish? Have they got a good sole on them? Are they a good price?” and if the answer is yes for these, I shall get the shoes. Talking of feet, I have the worst balance in the world. Seriously, a mouse coughing near me could push me over. My difficulties are partly down to the shape of my feet and toes which have resulted in me needing insoles just so I can walk in a relatively straight line.
I’ve reaslised my clothes have the colour range of an 81 year old, if you ever see me I’ll be wearing white, black, blue, red and maybe purple. Of course, seeing as it’s January this is just my winter wardrobe, but my summer wardrobe isn’t much better, maybe a little more pink and yellow, other than that, nothing exotic or vibrant. No out there patterns on trousers (you know the ones, those trousers covered in tartan print or aztec style print). Just plain clothes.
I carry so much in my handbag, not just the essentials, but other things such as, water, food, pen, paper, plasters, tablets, tissues, a spare carrier bag just in case I ever need a carrier bag, an umbrella, a plastic spoon (not sure why either), and the list goes on. I seem to have this weird idea that there’s a chance I’ll get stranded outside, so I need all the provisions so I don’t end up dead.
I have a carrier bag, filled with carrier bags. Not even joking.
My television shows of choice at the moment are not Celebrity Big Brother, Made in Chelsea or Gossip girl. Instead it’s “Father Brown”, “Winterwatch” and animal documentaries, and if it was currently on tv, Midsomer Murders.

So there we have it, quite a few reasons as to why I don’t belong as a typical 18 year old,

Follow your dreams…but not those ones

Dreaming is something we all do, sometimes we may not remember what we dreamt about, sometimes it’s a little vague, and sometimes maybe we remember it so well that we’re convinced that we actually did go on a train in the middle of the wild west with David Tennant and a wild animal… which obviously didn’t happen to me..(it did).
But I want to talk to you about the weird dreams, much like my train dream I’ve just said about. For the last two nights I’ve had dreams that have made me question my morality and my sanity, I’m very worried that I literally need mental help. When I’ve explained these dreams you may understand why I feel this way and you’ll either laugh, or run away in fear while ringing the police. I would prefer you to do the laugh.

So my first dream was me walking down a country lane with my brother and there were a lot of police and they seemed to be looking around, I asked one what it was they were doing and they explained to me that they were looking for a mudered person because the murderer had made their trademark statue of the murder actually happening. Then me and my brother walked away and I had like a flashback to someone who looked evil driving past in a car and I remembered they looked at us in a creepy way.
So I woke up deeply disturbed.

Last nights dream was that I was with my family on a walk up to a castle thing, and we came across an old bus from the 1950s (very precise I know, I remember saying “this bus is younger than you” to my dad, how kind). Then we were investigating the pedals and the steering wheel so I said to open the bonnet, and inside was the engine, obviously, and a childs plastic watering can…

So, those are my weird dreams from the last two days. I’m sure in the past I’ve had even weirder ones but I’m trying to repress those memories.

New Years Resolutions

So it’s gone midnight and here I am, writing a blog post, if you’re reading this and it’s not midnight then that meant nothing to you and just wasted your time, but let’s carry on anyway.

Happy New Year! If it’s not too late to say that?! 2015 arrived almost a week ago (I can’t believe it either) so I thought I should write another post seeing as my last one was last year. I wasn’t sure what to write about then I decided I would share my resolutions with you! I don’t know how long these will last but here we go anyway!

Be More Positive
I tend to focus on the negatives of things, because that way it’s safer in case something does go wrong because I was expecting it, but this year I need to try and be more positive!

Meet My Internet Friends
I’ve wanted to do this for years, but this year plans are being made to make this happen!

Meet More Favourites
I was lucky enough last year to meet 6 of them, this year I want even more to happen!

Less Distractions
I’m easily distracted by a variety of things (I blame my favourites and internet friends), but this year I’m going to try and get distracted less so I can concentrate on my work more!

Let’s see how long it takes before I write a blog post saying I’ve broken these!
(why did I use so many ! in this post, that’s annoyed me now but I’m not changing it because quite frankly, I’m too lazy)