If you’ve come to read this post thinking it’ll be about Doctor Who then I apologise, it isn’t. It’s actually about the awkward GP experience.
Before you can even get to that awkward experience, you need to book an appointment. I prefer to do this in the actual doctors surgery, (I’ve always found that to be a weird name), as you don’t have to wait 40 years for the phone to be answered and it’s not as awkward or anxiety making as making a phone is. If you do have to ring then it means you have to begin the call with “yeah hi” or “oh hello”. You can never just say “hello”. Then you have to say “I’d like to book a doctors appointment please” which is just ridiculous, it’s not like you’re ringing up to book a boat trip down the river Nile is it, it’s a DOCTORS SURGERY obviously I’m going to be booking a doctors appointment. The person on the phone then makes you tell them what the problem is, which is embarrassing, no matter what it is.
Once you’ve made your appointment (which will probably be 3 weeks after you phone and by then you’re probably cured anyway which means you feel like you’ve wasted everyones day), you have to sign in. My doctors has the worst touch screen system I have ever come across. You have to drag the curser around with your finger and try and tap the screen in the right places fo your birth month and initials, but because the calibration is off and the lag is dreadful you end up clicking the wrong things and having to drag the curser to the corner to cancel it. And don’t get me started on the germs that machine is harbouring.
Then it’s the waiting room. Which is probably the most tragic and boring place on earth. The waiting room should be renamed to “the ‘extremely long and uncomfortable’ waiting room” because no matter how early or late you arrive for your appointment, you will rarely be seen on time. When I went to the doctors last week, I arrived a few minutes late and I still didn’t get into my appointment for another 30 minutes. But luckily there’s plenty to do in the waiting room, such as stare at ill people, or read the scary “be careful this doesn’t kill you” posters and leaflets. I can’t get much signal in my doctors so I can’t even go on the internet. It’s a hard life.
When I was eventually called (not that I heard properly as the tannoy sounds like a potato, so I rely on the tv screen) I made my way into the consultation room (after getting lost because they don’t tell you where anywhere is). I find the whole consultation very awkward. We all know I’m awkward with new people but the situation is made more awkward by the fact the doctor was just staring at me waiting for me to tell her my problem, She didn’t say “what seems to be the problem?” just said “hello” opened the window because the room was 50 degrees and stared.
I spent all this time at the doctors for her to say the words “take some ibuprofen”
THAT IS IT. I thought I was dying with heart pains. But she told me were muscle pains that can be solved with ibuprofen.
What even was the point…