Last night I had planned to have an early night. I was in my pyjamas ready for bed by 10pm, I had Top Gear on and a hot chocolate for company. I was pretty content with life. Then I heard it. The pattering and fluttering of spindly legs and vile wings.

A Cranefly had come into the window and flown out from under the tiny gap below my blind and was now flying around my room, how do bugs always get in tiny gaps but not get out? My first thought was “where’s my dad when I need him” my second thought was “how am I going to get rid of this without killing it?”. Despite the fact I hate insects like “daddy long legs” I can’t bring myself to kill them, I just can’t bring myself to touch something that’s had dead animals on it. I just can’t deal with it. So my best method is to try and escort the insect out the room. My weapons of choice were a ring binder and open windows.

Just call me David Attenborough
Just call me David Attenborough

As you can imagine this wasn’t a quick process. It took me over 2 hours to get the creature out of my room, it involved me spending a lot of time scanning the room like a sniper hoping for the creature to be by the window not inside the wardrobe. Obviously because it’s me, the creature was in the wardrobe, on a shelf I couldn’t reach. But eventually after much swearing, sighing and general angry noises I hit it with my ring binder (not a euphemism). I was disgusted to find the body of the cranefly still on the spine of the folder. I followed Taylor Swifts advice and tried to shake it off, but it was stuck. I hit the folder on the window ledge outside and finally, it was off. Well. That’s what I thought. It had just flown back in my room, slightly wobbly from the being smashed by a folder thing.

You’ll be pleased to hear that, at 1:30am the cranefly was flung out of the window. But a top tip for you all is this, don’t leave your windows open at night. It’s not worth the peril.

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