This blog post is kind of on the same lines as my last one, but a little more personal and maybe even emotional. I’m going to be talking about confidence (what a shocker, it’s as if the title gave it away) and self-confidence.
When Googling those terms you find these definintions; confidence is: “a state of being certain either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective.” And self confidence is: “having confidence in one’s self.” I’m not going to preach in this post about confidence tips and how I’ve got so much confidence I think I’m better than others (there is a fine line between being confident and being an arse.) I’m by no means a confident person, throughout school every “parent-teacher” evening I’d be told I don’t participate enough in class or that I need to put my hand up more. I never did. When I got to sixth form college, although I was improving due to smaller class sizes, I still was told those same two things. But I want this post to be a little reminder that confidence levels can go up.
We all know I’m an anxious person, I think it stems from a fear of being laughed at or judged, which led to my low self-confidence in lessons, which meant I came across as shy, and therefore didn’t interact with people properly. For someone whose degree is communications, I’m a pretty rubbish communicator, I never look people in the eye when I’m speaking and, if someone doesn’t make me feel like I’m comfortable I won’t speak at all. If I’m forced to speak I feel anxious and, worse case scenario, I have a panic attack. But these aren’t what I want this post to be about.
Over the last few years I feel like I’ve developed a lot of confidence. Not enough that I’ve stopped everything I’ve already mentioned, that is still very much happening. But it’s not as prominent. I’ve become confident enough that I can start conversations now (although I do rehearse what I’m going to say several times before I say it.) I’ve been able to move into a strangers house and not hide in my room, I can sit downstairs with them and have conversations with them. I’ve been able to meet some incredible people online, and then have incredible meetings with them offline, having trust in them really builds my confidence levels, to a point where I’ve never had so much confidence with friends before. I pre-recorded something to go on the radio today, which someone who wants to work in radio shouldn’t find challenging, but I did. I was terrified at first, but I sat down, channelled my inner Greg James and did it. I’m finding I can talk to people in shops a lot easier now too. And I don’t mumble as much anymore, I can speak at a decibel level humans can hear.
I’m by no means Miss Confident. I won’t pretend I am. But I like to think I’m Miss-starting to become a bit more-Confident. I’m going to finish this by saying that I feel like confidence is like a flower. If you nurture it and nurture yourself, over time, it’ll start to blossom. There might be a bad season, and the flower might die, but the best thing about flowers is you can always grow more.